Talking Finances with Your Aging Parents: Tips for Helpful Conversations

From opening your first savings account to helping pay for your college tuition, your parents managed most, if not all, of your finances as you were growing up. As your parents age, that responsibility can shift, and there may be a time when you must talk to them about their finances.

But having an open discussion about anyone’s finances, let alone your parents, can feel challenging and awkward. However, an open conversation about finances can be crucial for ensuring your parents’ financial security and well-being as they age.  

“I would encourage people to have the conversation. It’s key and it’s important,” Beth Ludden, a senior vice president in CareScout’s long-term care insurance business, says. “Being in crisis mode is not the time to make a sound decision about finances.” 

By keeping lines of communication open, approaching sensitive topics like health, aging, and money with empathy and care, you can help your parents navigate their financial future with confidence and peace of mind. 

Whether they’re calling you by your nickname or making sure you get enough to eat during a holiday dinner, your parents are your parents, and it’s always been their job to take care of you — even if you have a career, a home, or a family of your own. As your parents age and need assistance with finances it can be difficult for you, and them, to accept new roles and a shift in the family dynamics.  

Make sure to start the conversation off slowly. Even if you’re coming from a place of love and support, requesting access to bank accounts and other personal information can be off-putting. Start off with an open discussion on finances.

The earlier you begin the conversation, the easier it is to step in when your parents need assistance. Helping your parents manage their money or just talking to them about their finances isn’t just about a doomsday scenario either. It can be for a practical reason like they’re traveling out of the country and want you to have access to their checking account.

Whatever the reason, here is a list of ways to broach the subject of finances with your aging parents:

With a topic as personal as finances, it can be hard to know how to start the conversation. It depends on the relationship you have with your parents, but it’s always best to approach a financial discussion with respect and support while considering your parents’ needs first.  

There are plenty of reasons why you might want to discuss your parents’ financial situation and they might be a good segue into starting a conversation about finances. Whether they’re traveling out of the country, or they had a sudden health scare, think about an event that might open the door for an open discussion. Always come from a place of compassion and let your parents know you want what’s best for them.

One of the best ways to talk to your parents about their finances is to talk about yours. Whether you’re deciding between retirement benefits at your new job, trying to fill out your tax return, or holding a winning lottery ticket, asking your parents for their financial advice can begin a broader discussion.  

Many scammers specifically target older adults through fake tech support, identity theft, and extortion. In 2023, total financial losses by people over the age of 60 topped $3.4 billion, an almost 11 percent increase from 2023, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s 2023 Elder Fraud Report. Discussing common scams can go a long way in preventing one from happening as well as opening the door to a broader discussion on finances. 

Including other family members can add another perspective to the situation and make your parents feel more comfortable. But before you start sending out invites, talk with your parents about who they would like to include. 

As if the topic of finances wasn’t sensitive enough, discussing long-term care costs can be equally sensitive. It’s hard to imagine a point where you don’t have total independence and how much that might cost. Planning for long-term care can be a great way to talk about funds and other resources available to your parents. 

As you head into a talk with your parents about their finances, be prepared to revisit the conversation.

“Go in with the attitude that the first time you broach the topic you may get shut down,” Ludden says. “It can be a sensitive discussion and people really value independence, especially with their children.”

Encourage your parents to voice any concerns or changes in their preferences over time. Let them know that they don’t have to decide everything right now, and they can always revisit the conversation when they’re ready. 

Even if your parents are retired accountants or investment bankers, it can still be beneficial to go over finances with them as they age. Here are a few of the benefits of discussing finances with your aging parents: 

Ensuring financial security

Understanding your parents' financial situation allows you to help them budget, manage their debt, and plan for future expenses.   

Planning for future needs 

Your parents’ financial needs may change as they age, especially in terms of healthcare and aging care. Discussing finances ensures they are prepared for these costs, and they can choose the type of care they want 

Reduce family conflicts 

Open financial discussions can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts among family members. A clear, documented estate plan or other advanced directives makes sure everyone is on the same page and that your parents’ wishes are respected.

Strengthen your relationship 

Talking about finances with your parents can bring you closer to your parents. It shows you care about their well-being and are willing to support them. These discussions can build trust and communication.

Once your parents agree to go over their finances, you can guide the conversation with these seven questions: 

1. What are your current sources of income?

Understanding where your parents’ money is coming from — whether it’s from pensions, Social Security, annuities, investments, or a part-time job — will help give you a clear picture of their financial health.  

2. Do you have a budget for monthly expenses?

Ask your parents about their day-to-day expenses such as bills, groceries, and medications. Knowing what their budget is can help identify where they might need assistance with adjustments. 

3. Do you have any debts or outstanding loans?

It’s important to know if your parents have any debts like a mortgage, credit card balances, or personal loans. Debt can be hard for some people to talk about, especially if it’s a large amount of money, so be sensitive to what your parents might be feeling about their debt. 

4. Have you planned for long-term care?

Discuss their plans for potential long-term care needs. Ask your parents if they have long-term care insurance or other benefits in place to cover the cost of in-home care or other aging care options. 

5. Do you have an estate plan, will, or trust?

An estate plan outlines your parents’ wishes for their assets and property. Ask if they have a will, trust, or other legal documents in place. If they don’t you can suggest they meet with an estate planning attorney. You may also want to talk to your parents about power of attorney and who they would want to make decisions for them.

6. Who is your financial advisor?

Knowing who your parents trust with their financial matters is important. This could be a financial advisor, attorney, or accountant. Knowing who this is lets you contact them if needed.

7. Do you have copies of your financial information?

If your parents enlist your help in managing their finances it’s essential for you to have information on bank accounts, insurance policies, investment accounts so you can manage their finances effectively and respect their wishes. This should include passwords and contact information.

The goal of talking to your aging parents about their finances is to create a supportive environment. As you talk with your parents, volunteer to do some of the financial research for them or check if your job has any financial counseling benefits.

Whether you’re helping them plan for long-term care, preparing for an estate plan, or just trying to help them organize their budget, your involvement can help your parents make informed decisions. A proactive approach, handled with empathy and understanding, can make a positive impact on your parents' lives as they age.